My daughter tells me that Mothers' Day is her least favorite of all the holidays.  She feels inadequate for some reason...apparently she expected her children to be like her - quiet and obedient - but they're just the opposite, that is, hyper-active and rebellious.  We have thirteen grandchildren in all, including my daughter's five mentioned above, and they are all gorgeous, intelligent, charming, talented...and a good percentage of them are hyper-active and rebellious!  I absolutely adore each one.

My own five kids weren't as hard to handle as my grandchildren. I think this is because kids are different in each generation...maybe they are born with the traits they will need for the world they will live in... I did have a few rough patches with my family, but for the most part I think they were fairly easy.  I know they were quieter and they didn't fight as much as my daughter's crew. Her kids are brilliant and absolutely fearless.  I didn't feel inferior as a mother;  as a wife or homemaker, yes, but not as a mother...I've thought about this.  There was one thing that I promised myself I would change when I had my own kids and that was I would give them more respect than my parents gave to me.  I still feel that's the most important thing, and that's what I tried to do.  Why did I get easier kids?  I don't know.  I'll tell you this, though.  My daughter is a much better parent than I. Maybe because her kids are more of a challenge,she's had to rise higher to the occasion.  She's more patient, a better example; in fact I am very proud of the job that all my kids are doing with their families.

But after all, as my daughter says, you never know how things are going to turn out. You can drive yourself crazy trying to be the perfect mom, and your kids will still be mad at you about something;  at the same time, one kid will be a perfect little angel and another might be a bum on the street.  (I exaggerate)  And you'll never know what you did or didn't do to influence this result.

I often tell people that my mother was a good example to me;  and she was, although we were so different that I couldn't follow all of her advice.  It was because of her that I led a sheltered life and took it for granted.  Looking back, I'm glad about that because the things I was attracted to were established at an early age.  I felt that Mom went a bit too far in some areas, but generally speaking, she had the right idea, which was:  look for the good in the world and ignore everything else.  

My mother loved flowers, good books, music, the church, dogs, children (especially babies), anything wholesome and beautiful, and UFOs.  (She was convinced that UFOs were evidence of God and the Gospel).  She was fascinated with the miraculous, and became giddy with excitement whenever the subject came up.  

So, I do know how to concentrate on the more positive aspects of life, thanks to my mother.

Mom had to put up with a lot in her life...I don't know if she ever wanted anything more for herself, but she did get a certain amount of satisfaction out of being a housewife, and especially from taking care of other people.  She did have a bit of an ulterior motive for her service;  she wanted it to be known that the way she saw herself - kind, generous, patient, and loving - was her claim to fame,  as it were.  She knew the Gospel but had a few blind spots concerning some of the more subtle applications.  (Don't we all?)  Nevertheless, she did serve faithfully...and the list of those she served is long.  

As I said, I think Mom liked the idea of being admired for her kindness and generosity somewhat more than she liked actually being kind and generous.  But she wasn't vindictive about it, if she was aware of it at all.  She wasn't brilliant or a deep thinker, or unusually capable of seeing another person's point of view, or particularly introspective, but she was soft-spoken, friendly, cooperative, and always had a smile for the outside world.  That's a lot in itself;  and worth emulating, I think.  I look around at young  women today and they could use a lesson in good manners, restraint, respect for their elders, and appropriate public demeanor, which my mom had aplenty.  

Mom was a stalwart in the Church - a true believer.  She was never a leader;  it would have been uncharacteristic of her to be at the front.  She was too self-conscious to speak comfortably in public, and although she was a very striking-looking woman with completely white hair, she didn't ever have an air of superiority or over-confidence about her.  She was in the habit of waiting in the wings, a position that seemed to satisfy her.  I hesitate to use the word "humble".  She would say that she just got too flustered to be in charge. 

I often talked back to Mom and contradicted her.  She thought it was because I wanted to get a rise out of her, and make her mad;  I admit I did it sometimes for that reason but mostly it was because I thought she had strange, naive, and gullible opinions, and I just couldn't let it all go by.  I didn't think of her as rational sometimes.  It is not to my credit that I was dismayed but not really surprised when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.  I don't know if Alzheimer's is related in any way to habits of mind, but Mom had a way of mentally drifting off when something came up that she didn't want to discuss (if Mom were reading this right now, she might say, "Oh, I do not...what would you like for lunch?"...or she might tear up and say, "I'm sorry I wasn't a better mother to you" dramatically rolling her eyes heavenward).  This habit made her the target of much kidding in the family, which irritated her but she didn't make any effort tochange.  She couldn't have been cynical or world-weary or jaded if she had tried.  

Mom could not be other than she was because she was not very self-aware.  She possessed a measure of self-pity and she was jealous;  she could even be manipulative, but these are the faults of the subconscious.  If the accusation was put to her, was she guilty of these things, she wouldn't have had any idea what they were.  

Mom was just herself. She was a good grandmother, too, taking her proper role as a spoiler of children as seriously as we all should!  Our kids all called her "Mum"-hence the title of this essay.  She had her quirks, and she made mistakes, but she was a good person.  Never one to over-think her situation, or its sorrows or challenges, she would shed a few tears, accept things the way they were, and go on, a little fatalism fitting right in with her ever-so-slightly tragic view of reality, a reality where everything would be just fine- tomorrow. In this way, she was able to endure-and ignore- a great deal.  Now that she is gone, I can appreciate this much better.  She was funny, capable, unique, loving, and faithful...everybody should have such a Mom.

Not every woman will have the opportunity to be a mom in this mortal world, but every woman will have one, even if we don't know or remember her.  If you are lucky enough to have her still with you, don't wait until it's too late-call!  (I just had a call from my lovely daughter-in-law). We can hash over our faults and failings another day-let's just love one another today.  Happy Mother's Day.  MamaCharlie